Control
by TheAudaciousButterfly
Summary: After her brother dies, Effy feels lost. How many different people will it take for her to be able to feel steady again? Set after 3x08, "Effy."
1. Tony

**Title: **Control

**Rating: **T, rated for language and possible sexual references

**Main Character: **Effy Stonem.

**Ships: **Effy/Freddie, Sid/Cassie, mentions of past Michelle/Tony and Chris/Jal

**Disclaimer: **I wish Skins could belong to me, but unfortunately, it doesn't. Sadface.

**Summary: **After her brother dies, Effy feels lost. How many different people will it take for her to be able to feel steady again? Set after 3x08, "Effy."

_**Tony**_

"Fuck!" she yelled, her hands fumbling with a cigarette, shaking so bad that she couldn't seem to keep a hold on it to light it. It slipped out of her fingertips, landing in a shallow puddle at her feet. "Fuck," she repeated loudly, slamming her heel down on the fag, tiny tobacco flakes oozing from the cigarette. Effy merely peered at it in disgust, as if it had betrayed her. As if she needed anyone else to betray her. "Fuck, Tony, where the fuck are you?" she cursed, bouncing up and down slightly, an attempt to warm up, on the brick wall that she was sitting on.

Effy's head spun around when she heard the scream; it was the kind of scream that good actors pulled off in horror movies--it was a genuine scream. It was her mother. Effy rushed inside, dropping yet another cigarette. She had barely opened the door before slipping through it and saw her mother standing stiff in the kitchen, phone clutched to ear by knuckles that were too white. "It's Tony," her mother whispered, barely audible.

Later, Effy was sitting on her bed, looking at her opposite wall as if it wasn't even there. Her mouth was a thin line, almost invisible. She did not move. She did not speak. She did not acknowledge her parents' banging on her door and she did not pay attention to the bzz-bzz-bzz of her phone; Michelle, or Sid, the next people that anyone would have called.

The only thing Effy saw was Tony, a figure that seemed to have no edges, as if he never ended. "You can't be sad, Ef," he said, his voice the same slightly cheerful tone as always. "Well, you can, really, but you shouldn't. What's the point? There's a stripper factory here! _A fucking stripper factory,_ Ef. And it isn't so bad, really, I mean it didn't hurt. I died before the car hit the tree, because of the aneurysm and all. I always figured that bus accident would come back and bite me in the ass." He shook his head, lighting up a cigarette, pearls of smoke reaching toward the ceiling. Cool, grey tendrils reached up to the ceiling like hands reaching for the sky and disappearing on the eggshell white ceiling.

Effy looked at Tony, the kind she used to give him when she didn't believe a thing he was saying. Tony tilted his head, a gesture that gave her warrant to be mad. Tony had always been the smooth talker, but he and Effy had never needed words. "You've been biting your nails again," he commented, breaking the silence. Effy shrugged. One shoulder up, one shoulder down, a movement so swift Tony would have missed it if he hadn't been watching her so carefully. He reached for her chin, trying to take it in his hands, and just like that he's gone. Just like that it's obvious that he was never there in the first place.

Effy lit a cigarette, inhaling a long drag and closing her eyes. She expected to feel tears around her eyes, but there was nothing there. She was like a robot; she didn't feel anything. Just empty, like someone had stolen just enough of her heart that she was still alive, but not enough to function properly. Tony had always been a piece of her heart. He was the only one who was always there for her. Even after what happened with Katie…He had been driving out to see her. Take care of her when she needed him most. And now…

She shook the thought out of her head and lay back on her bed with her legs curled underneath her and off to the side awkwardly. She sighed, pushing herself to one side, her head rested on her arm. Effy's fingers brushed over her phone, still vibrating on the bed next to her, a long distance number; had to be Sid. It must have cost him a fortune to call her, but Effy still merely stared blankly at the phone until it went to message. After a few moments, Effy picked it up, pressing it closely to her ear. Sid's voice came across the line, sounding muffled, and like he was talking through tin. "_Hey, Ef._ _Your mum's just called me. Y'alright? We're flying out soon. See you._" Effy was surprised that Sid had bothered to call her--maybe he really _was _different. Effy lay there for a long while, her phone still pressed to her ear, even as her elbow cramped.

Suddenly Effy gasped, feeling like someone had just poured a bucket of cold water on her. "He's gone," she hissed, her voice quiet as she shut her eyes tightly. "He's gone." She placed her cigarette between her lips and curled up into the fetal position. After Katie--the way Freddie, Emily and Panda had looked at her--all Effy could think was that at least she had Tony. At least she had Tony. At least she had Tony. Now she had…no one. She was alone. Just...alone.


	2. Pandora

**Title: **Control

**Rating: **T, rated for language and possible sexual references

**Main Character: **Effy Stonem.

**Ships: **Effy/Freddie, Sid/Cassie, mentions of past Michelle/Tony and Chris/Jal

**Disclaimer: **I wish Skins could belong to me, but unfortunately, it doesn't. Sadface.

**Summary: **After her brother dies, Effy feels lost. How many different people will it take for her to be able to feel steady again? Set after 3x08, "Effy."

_**Pandora**_

"Y'alright?" the voice said, thickly like she was talking through a mouthful of toffee. Effy's face was turned away from the door, so Pandora didn't see the way that she had rolled her eyes. Of course she wasn't alright. Effy pushed herself up with one hand, still turned away from Pandora. The blonde girl sat on the other side of the bed, her eyes staring into the back of Effy's head. Effy shifted her head to the side, her eyes staring out the window. Drops of rain pounded on the windowsill, streaking the glass and reflecting on Effy's face. Two days ago, Pandora hadn't even been able to look at her, following the rest of them like a sheep led into slaughter. She was just like everyone else. "Your parents let me in," Pandora said hesitantly, breaking Effy's thoughts. Effy spun around to face Pandora, anger in her eyes. Pandora stepped backward off the bed, stumbling backwards a few steps when she saw the look on Effy's face.

"Effy, I…" Pandora started, but couldn't finish. She didn't know what she could say. For once, Pandora was at a loss for words, unable to come up with even something stupid to say. There wasn't anything that could make Effy feel better. Effy stood up, pushing herself off the bed quite quickly and forcefully, heading out the door, grabbing the first sweater she could find and yanking it over her head. Pandora scuttled after, following Effy, naturally. "Are you sure you're okay, Effy?" Pandora inquired, even though Effy had never responded to the question in the first place. Effy kept walking, lighting a cigarette as she did, not acknowledging Pandora. There was some space between them, just enough to make people wonder if they were walking together, or if they were just coincidental.

Effy pushed open the door to a store; a sharp enough movement to cause Pandora to stumble slightly, the rest of her body having intended to continue down the street. "What is this place, Ef?" Pandora hissed, looking around the rather shady looking shop. Effy seemed to know where she was going, and when she reached the back of the shop she grabbed something that looked mostly white, wrapped up in plastic. Pandora could see more of these, or at least similar looking ones behind the one Effy grabbed. Pandora looked at it quizzically while Effy paid. She recognized it on second look and then looked back at Effy, Pandora's face softened slightly.

"Do you remember," Pandora started, her voice seeming more confident than before as the bell above the shop door dinged when they walked out, "When we met that first day and I told you I was useless?" Effy stopped, as if to indicate that she was listening. "You make me not useless, Effy. You make me be worth something. Tony was your Effy." Pandora paused for a moment as Effy started to walk again, albeit much slower. "I'm sorry I slept with Cook, Ef. I really didn't want to hurt you, you know. I made a huge mistake. I just want to be here for you now." Effy looked at Panda, her lips a thin line and then crossed her arms over her chest. Her blue, blue eyes stared into her friend's innocent looking eyes. Effy shook her head slightly, barely even a movement before she started walking again, back in the direction of her house, while Pandora rushed along after. "Effy!" she exclaimed. "Effy, come on." Pandora's voice broke slightly. It was hard to see Effy like this, locked up in silence. People used to tell her about this version of Effy. Quiet, quiet, quiet, too quiet.

Back at the Stonem house and Effy had already returned to her bed. Wrapped up in the duvet cover, with Pandora next to her, Effy searched for his smell. She didn't expect it to be there, not really, it wasn't even his. Effy gasped at the empty air, a fish that has lost its gills. "It's not his," Pandora said, turning her hands upward, an offering of hope in tiny, cream-white palms. Effy shook her head slowly; she already knew that it wasn't his. Effy unwrapped herself and pulled the duvet cover over her and Pandora's heads, uneven light shining through, making their faces look weird like they didn't have noses or something. Effy placed her hands in Pandora's upturned ones, looking her in the eyes. Her face had lost all its sharpness, her eyes round again, wide. Pandora could feel Effy's hands shaking, and she squeezed them, and then dropped them, wrapping her arms around Effy. The brunette's head dropped on Pandora's shoulder, her eyes still dry. Pandora wrapped her arms around Effy, as if in a role reversal.

Effy pulled away after a few moments and looked at Pandora. "The light's making the tits reflect on your face," she said flatly, and then cracked a slight smile. Pandora looked horrified, running her hands over her countenance, as if this could make the reflection disappear. Effy disappeared from under the white blanket, and stood looking at it for a moment; two naked bodies, with the bump of Pandora underneath it, and laughed. It was _so_ Tony it hurt. But nothing was bringing back Tony's exact duvet cover…just like nobody was bringing back Tony.

**Author's Note: **Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews; they're lovely--"Oh wow!" in Cassie's words. I hope you're all having a great week, and please continue to read and hopefully review! I really appreciate it J. Just so you know, the duvet cover in this chapter is the same style as Tony's, but I know that Effy gave his to Oxfam. I might be a bit slow with getting these chapters up, but give me a break. I have to write a 15-25 page essay on Canadian literature! I hope you enjoy this chapter, as well. Lots of love 3


End file.
